Big Cars and Electric Guitars

“Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.” -Stephen Colbert


Thanks to my Top Gear Official Facebook Page Fan Membership, I found my reasonably-priced dream car.  Turns out you can price a Nissan 370Z for under $40K, and goddamn does it look good.  Plus Top Gear even gave it a decent review.  For a sporty car that looks like this, that ain't half bad:





Okay, so it's not everybody's thing... but it puts down 370 horsepower and flies like a bat outta hell.  I don't ask for much more from my cars.


Incidentally, if you own a Prius, have driven one or can even look at one without puking, you probably won't want to read this blog too much.  For me, if a car destroys the environment to the tune of ten cylinders revving at 7000 rpm, that's just an added bonus.


Speaking of insanely cheap awesome things, check out the guitar I hopefully someday maybe will be able to afford here.
Yes, it's red with flames.  I'm a guy.  And occasionally a metalhead.  What do you want from me?


And now for our comic of the day:
  

No Hawaiian Shirt?

"I'm sorta an order of magnitude guy, you know?" -Prof. Heath

Today, I figured out why EVERY auditorium has those signs that say "No Food or Drink".  Sitting in an interminable math lecture (in the front row... not my fault, don't hate me), I looked down and observed that my backpack was sitting in a puddle of some milk-like substance.  The punch line is that someone ten rows behind me had spilled it, and it had slid all the way down the conveniently sloped floor to fuck up the homework sets sitting in my completely unwaterproofed backpack.

I'm putting a standing shower order on small Asian girls with protein shakes who sit in the back of lecture halls.

More importantly, our ridiculously chill chemistry professor was devoid of his typical Hawaiian shirt today, which probably means that he ran out of weed.  I figure you'd have to be high if you look at yourself in the mirror wearing one of those things and think it looks good, but hey, I'm not one to cramp his style.

In other news-- the stuff that actually matters-- the richest man in the world told us what we should have known already: our government is full of unrealistic idiots.  Actually, he said it a lot more tactfully than that, but the gist of it is that our budget is mega-screwed and we need to keep the ridiculous number of entitlement programs cropping up everywhere in check.  I figure he knows something about money, but I'll let you judge: here's the article.

That's it for now, except our latest feature: the Comic Strip of the Day.

Hello World

"There's an ancient Chinese myth about yin and yang.  The Chinese discovered that if one takes a circle and separates it into two parts, these parts form a pair of things that, when combined... form a circle." -Buster

If you're reading this, thanks.  The time you're wasting on the Internet is, of course, precious, and I appreciate that you've chosen to waste it here.  Hopefully this will become a semi-daily, totally irrelevant monologue about everything you never knew you cared about, and will probably forget a few minutes after reading.  Unless it accidentally ends up being really funny, in which case you're obligated to quote it to at least four friends, who will then read my blog.

This is probably how evil plans for world domination start.

Anyway, down to business.  If you crawled out from under your rock within the past week, you probably heard about the massive earthquake in Haiti.  Several times.  I'm gonna get up on my soapbox here and tell you to donate some money to the Red Cross-- ten bucks on your credit card statement and you can actually feel good about yourself a little.  Hit up www.redcross.org, click the unignorably red "DONATE NOW" button and pick "Haiti Relief and Development", or whatever you prefer to donate to.  It's worth two minutes and ten dollars.

On a lighter note, Wayne Rooney scored four goals in a Premier League match for the first time in his career to put Manchester United back where they belong-- on top of the table.  If the previous sentence meant nothing to you, don't worry about it.  If you understood it and it didn't enrich your life and lift your spirit, you're a bloody wanker who probably supports Arsenal just because everybody else does.

If you think soccer is boring: http://ballhype.com/video/manchester-united-4-0-hull-city-video/

Notice the guy lying curled up on the ground during Rooney's second goal?  HE'S FAKING.  I can tell because he doesn't play for Manchester United.

If you still think soccer is boring, you're worse than the Arsenal supporters.

That's all I got for today, except the physics quiz that's about to kick my ass.